And so it begins…
another year
another semester
another chance to underwhelm no one with my mediocrity.

Once again, I know nothing. At all.

Moral of the story: don’t try and outsmart everyone just to be lazy. It won’t work, unless, of course, you are smarter than I am.

I will report on the events of my evening (in a relatively factual manner)

Standing in the hallway in the apartment building, I saw the guy in charge of a small group, just appointed last week to the job! In half cocked jest I suggested I wanted the job below him on his staff: head crony (essentially) . Then proceeded to tell the people around me loudly how I was just going up for any job in company in hopes of gaining power within the group. A wise guy informs me shortly thereafter that I need more tact if I’m ever to get anywhere in life. Little did he know, my lack of tact is the only thing I cared about the ‘head-hancho’  overhearing.

You see- I am lazy. Not just under motivated or over tired. I am intrinsically lazy. I gain nothing from doing things: I feel accomplished after periods of inactivity, not after a great success or failure. I am nearly as lazy as they come.  The slimy thing in a Star Wars may have been lazier than I am (I don’t know the storyline, he’s just fat and slimy and looks rather lethargic… he’s got the princess chained up in a wacky and revealing get-up beside him…? Anyone..? I haven’t seen it so I could be smearing the internet with yet another pop-culture faux pas.).

This plan was to make it look as if I was so desperate to pitch in and take charge I was willing to do anything, ditch my scruples and beg shamelessly for some farce of power.  But that will never actually get you a job!  No one wants their right hand to be a power thirsty kid who’ll take anything for a spot on top, they want someone with a predilection for the position, not the power.  The endstate: I won’t have a job.  And people will half heartedly lament my joblessness, but to them it will be my lack of life experience and desire to be useful and helpful that will have lost me a job, NOT my laziness. But the real reason, is I am lazy, but would prefer to be seen as unfortunately under seasoned in human relations and personal pr.  Then, I will spend my last bit of college able to be as lazy as I chose, with only a few educational ‘obligations’ and sleep to tend.

So, young intellectuals, remember:

Don’t assume you’ve got someone else figured out.

Don’t assume your advice is what someone else needs.

Or so advises the egomaniacal kid handing out advice on the internet…